Her royal randomness...

you know, you really cant eat your cake and have it. Though, when I think about it , I think that it would have been nice not to have to choose between two things, espescially when you like the both of them. Then you won't have to choose between God and money, him and him...and maybe another him..lol, light and darkness, looking up and looking down.....
Well the point is that, most times, choosing is hard and deciding is torture.

The bridesmaid

When the Pianist played

every breath in the hall stayed

and then, she walked in

the Lady in white

with a smile so bright

stepped into the hall, as if out of a dream

as she moved towards the priest

to say her vows, and be kissed

every woman in the hall was filled with envy

for there stood her knight

the one she loved with all her might

none could be compared to him

But as I brought in her train

as was the job of her chief maid

I thought I saw a wink

Just before he turned around

and the priests voice was the only sound

but much later, i was sure

for I got a note 

from the groom-the goat!

to meet him somwhere

to do something I wont mention here

oh well... I did

and it was fun, indeed

well, call me what you will

but when you croon about your mr perfect

and marital bliss

remember that there many many maidens, like me

Crappy poem #1 (cant think of wat to write)

I...I dont want you to go
but I really don't need you here
I...I dont want you to know
but I really really care
am not in love with you or anything
i'm just happy that we have something
...watever this is
I..well...em..so
I'm gonna miss you
I'm gonna miss the fact that i can just
wake up and decide that see you today, i must
well...u musnt see this poem
apart from the fact that it is crappy
I want you to run away and be happy

God! wat d hell is dis?
aaaaaaaaaargh!!!

PeOpLe UnDeR fEeT!!!!

Is it me? Or does everyother person actually feel lyk this sometyms? This feelin of utter uselessness that jus sits in the background, waiting to take the blame for every misstep, mishap, accident, setback, failure....
Is it me? Or are dere actually other people lyk me, who loose their fire and drive....and dunno hw 2 get it back? Lyk standin admist a sea of people movin in differnt directions, confused because, you cant fynd ur way back and cant possibly knw what way forward is for u.
People say its just a phase and it would pass...bt what if it doesnt? What if you cant get past this confusion? What if you'd jus keep standin until u get knocked over and trampled under feet?...well, what if...nothin. u knw y? Cos life is a bitch, and it would simply go on and u'd be 4gottn in a matter of minutes.
Scary 'what if' right? But it happens all the tym around us...ppl under feet. *shivers*
Jus sayin...really

so what???

so you bought me an ugly teddy bear
And you claimed you'd always be dere
Ehen? So?
So you bought me a box of chocolates
And we went to a fancy restaurant, with china plates
Ehen? So?
So you bought me a plastic red rose
of which d scent almost destroyd my nose
Ehen? So?
wuda been wiser if u just went to dat ur...lady
U knw na...sharp! Sharp! everytn don ready!
Cos u wnt as much as get a peek
Of the land in betwin, that u so seek
sori boo,
I dnt want u too
Rolflmao.... Jus sayin

Yesterday...the day before & most of my life before dat

yesterday, someone told a very funny joke. I laughed along with everyone, but then i realised that it was forced.
Yesterday, a baby boy took his first steps. I smiled and clapped with evryone, but then i noticed that my cheeks hurt from the forced smile and that my claps were not as loud as i hoped
Yesterday, Soso my boifrend of four years, finally asked me to marry him. I thought i jumped on him and kissed the hell out of his lips, but apparently i jus stood dere and didnt say nada
Yesterday, i realised that i am...tired. Not in my muscles but in my heart. Cant explain it but, i'm sure. I feel it in my chest cavity.
Is dis d end of my life? Or the begining of sumfn new? Cant say.
Well...jus saying

Dear diary...Lies

 There are lies that you shouldn't tell me
 There are lies that I could hear
 There are lies I'd pretend to believe
 There are lies I wouldnt spare
 There are lies of good intention
 There are lies for sheer attention
 Then there are those lies you shouldnt dare
 Lies like "baby I love you" and "Baby, I would always be here"

Dear Diary

I see that
the sky has lost its blue and the greens their color
the wind has lost its move and the flowers their odor
the lady has lost her curves and the man his corners
the rains have lost their fall and Nature her wonders
the sun has lost his shine and Dawn her lark
but i fear that its because
i may have lost my dreams and indeed my spark

It hurts...the sand in my hand.

Em..so...Hi!
I've been hurt before, you have been hurt before... the hell, we have all been hurt before! They say we should just let it go. That we should just forgive...yah think? Just let it go? ...'It hurt so bad', 'I felt like i had been gutted clean like a fish', 'I couldn't breath', 'It felt like my brain was a computer, that had been shut down abrubtly'... and everybody has a totally different, but accurate way of describing how the hurt or hurts (lol) felt. How can letting go help? Its sounds like someone just stood up and boldly (proudly too...puffed chest, nose in the air, igbotic feigned british accent, etc) says '' to get to the north you must travel east'' well?! sounds like bullshit to me. I'd say get a smith&wesson and blow his/her brains out! But you know, if dats the way, uhun uhun, there would be nobody left on the surface of the earth. Dont look so thoughtful... Yep! Talkin to you!
...yada yada yada. Can go on expantiating on hurting someone and being hurt but the real deal is the letting go ise. And so here's an allegory...
Been holding some sand in your fist. Now, the sand particles are sharp and so they may have cut you, but you can't tell because you hand is fisted up. By now you are used to the pain so you simply keep living with one hand ( I mean, there's hardly anything a fist can do for you, except knock on a door and kconck someone,s head). Letting go is like realising that, you actually have two hands that you can use to work, play, pray, eat...basically function from day to day AND releasing your fist so that you can maximally use your two hands. It's hard to just open up a hand that has been fisted for so long but you open it all the same. Well..what do you know?
First, air feels good on your skin. O Gad! Feels so good...feel like...whatever you think. Then you realise that the throbbing in your hand all these years was because of the sand-carrying fist of yours. When you can finally wriggle your fingers, you'd probably notice a giggle or two escape your lips. Altogether, it a lovely experience.So when some one hurts you so bad and well, 2 years after, it still hurts as bad, then its probably gonna keep hurting as much for the next 2years and more, if you don't 'at ease' that fist. What's with you, self? Just let the poor sand go already!
just saying
Ciao